I was terrified when Mr Darcy came home, I was scared to leave him on his own in case he attempted again, it took me a little time to be able to do so but I knew that I needed to. When he first came home he was heavily medicated, was still on maintainance ECT and he spent a lot of time sleeping, he had side effects that were distressing to him. As his crisis meds and ECT were tapered off, the side efffects abated, he slept less and began to do more around home, his mood having stabilised following the introduction of his current medications and the removal of others.
After having a reality check, I understood that his condition that can be managed if we follow best practice guidelines which we now do. As time went by we became more proactive in managing symptoms such as eating more fruit and veg to help combat constipation, getting out and doing things so things so we did not feel housebound and getting our home tidied up as it had got into quite a mess. At present he has the support of a pdoc and a case worker as well as myself. He does not have a therapist (therapy has always been a bit hit and miss) but in recent time has had some counselling support from the Cancer Council due to his cancer diagnosis, this has the potential to be helpful in relation to his mental health.
It took a little while for me to stop being afraid that he would reattempt on hold and be a little more trusting of the treatment process which happened when the meds were shown to be clearly working. I don't know how I would react if he were to become acute again. Trust is still a huge issue for me, I was very angry in relation to treatment Mr Darcy recieved under a treatment order and lodged a complaint in relation to it which resulted in far better outcomes than what I hoped for. We have moved interstate and have a new treating team and I know that it will take some time to build trust.
The things that really helped me/him/us were:
- I asked that Mr Darcy have a change in allocated case worker he had at the time, the new one suited better.
- I understood that taking care of mental health involved more than just taking medication.
- After looking up many scholarly articles, I understood that following tapering off of crisis meds, the regimen that Mr Darcy ended up being on is evidence based and gives the best outcomes in relation to maintaining stability.
- I found an American faith based patient and carer mental health support material that gave me hope that we can live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis. We were fortunate that our faith community was very supportive (at the time we were living away from family).
- We began to work as a team. I understood better when and how to support him, when to advocate for him and how to do this in a respectful way in relation to the treating team. I will not support something that I feel unreasonable ie no medication, however before accepting any medication on offer I fully expect that Mr Darcy will be given a clear understanding that perceived benefits will outweigh any risks of taking it and that any concerns we have are addressed in a satisfactory manner before the pdoc hands over a script.
- I check in with Mr D from time to time to ensure that he feels the level of support I am giving him is appropriate as I want him to be as independent as possible and we have a good system in place.
- I began to understand that unless a suitable therapeutic alliance was there, therapy for Mr Darcy was a waste of time and I should not nag him about it. We noticed a sign in a window about a GROW group that was starting in our area and Mr Darcy said he would go to that. I think this proved to be more helpful than any therapist he had seen. Since moving there is no GROW group available but perhaps it is what was needed for a season. I think though he occasionally refers to this material. I did however gently encourage him to speak to a counselor in relation to his cancer diagnosis as I could see there were some things that they would be able to help with. He pondered this and brought it up himself a couple of times so I ensured he had the phone number and left it up to him to call if and when he was ready to.
Wow, thank you for sharing all that, @Former-Member , that's really useful.
@Former-Member wrote:
We began to work as a team. I understood better when and how to support him, when to advocate for him and how to do this in a respectful way in relation to the treating team. I will not support something that I feel unreasonable ie no medication, however before accepting any medication on offer I fully expect that Mr Darcy will be given a clear understanding that perceived benefits will outweigh any risks of taking it and that any concerns we have are addressed in a satisfactory manner before the pdoc hands over a script.
This sounds so positive. It makes me feel sad, actually, for single people who don't have that high level of support that you provide for your husband. Hopefully they would have family or friends to support them, but it's not always the case.
@Former-Member wrote:
I check in with Mr D from time to time to ensure that he feels the level of support I am giving him is appropriate as I want him to be as independent as possible and we have a good system in place.
This sounds a great idea, and a good system that you have. I think I will check in with my suicidal friend similarly...
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