Re: BPD adult daughter

Littlerob1 · ‎04-01-2022

My adult daughter is an undiagnosed person who exhibits BPD traits.

She has not spoken to us for over 3 years, although her husband and 3 teenage children contact us regularly.

At Christmas her husband and 3 children visited us (she refused the invite) and we exchanged gifts.

Within 2 days she had returned some of the gifts in a garbage bag, and had cut up the gifts we had given her, and left them at our letter box. (It appears she may have used a sharp implement) They were seen by neighbours.

This is the second time she has "blacklisted" us. The last episode lasted 3 years.

I am worried as her behaviour seems to be more aggressive.

ISFAF · ‎05-01-2022

some suggestions:

...discuss the issues with her husband, possibly directing things to her family medico gp for help,
..search for your local BPD group and seek their advice

Littlerob1 · ‎05-01-2022

Thank you for your advice.

All of the suggestions have been already done, many times.

Former-Member · ‎05-01-2022

Morning @Littlerob1 and welcome to the SANE forums

What you describe with your daughter sounds quite painful for you all and I think it's brave of you to share your story here with us and to reach out. I'm wondering whether you've been able to get any professional support for yourself? It sounds like these interactions are quite concerning and sometimes it helps to have someone on your side to help navigate through this.

Reft21 · ‎05-01-2022

Pretty common with BPD to have ongoing rage against someone. I have seen it and it's not the fault of the person who has been blacklisted. I think that you can't change her behaviour but I love how you're trying to keep the relationship going with the others. Hopefully one day she might seek help and maybe with mediation things can improve. In my situation I've tried to work on grieving the lost relationship, forgiveness in my heart and compassion for the person who has done this to me. It's an ongoing journey

AussieRecharger · ‎06-01-2022

When and how did it start @Littlerob1 ?

Do you remember what the initial issues and signs where that lead to her actions towards you?

Littlerob1 · ‎08-01-2022

Thank you. Yes I have sort professional help for myself and have read as much as I can about BPD. My natural inclination is to confront her about the destroyed articles but I know from experience etc that not responding is the only path.