Planet of solitude

[Twinklelight]

Wow @Faith-and-Hope that's a lot. How do you cope. 

You said that the safest thing to do is stay. I have young kids and I don't want them to suffer like how I did. How can I stay with the abuse going on in the home , towards me and my kids

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Twinklelight, sometimes it’s safer to stay ....

If my kids had been little, I would have left.  When they are little, they don’t have a voice of their own.  You have to be their voice.

I was ready to leave when my mil was being emotionally abusive and my hubby wouldn’t listen, because he had never seen her behave that way .... I would have had to leave because, even though he wasn’t the one behaving that way, by not believing me, he was allowing it .... and the kids would have come off worst for it all.

He didn’t step in, he stepped out, and told me to deal with her myself, and he wouldn’t take sides or interfere, and I took her on.  Once that happened, and she didn’t get the support from him that she expected, it all started to come out .... then hubby stepped back into it and we put up boundaries around her together.

Now this illness has moved in with us, his mum is right there supporting it .... she thinks it’s wonderful cos he’s thin .... so he thinks she’s wonderful and has become like her little puppy, her little boy, eating out of her hand .... he runs to her and spends all his time with her when we are in the same city, and I can’t do anything about that until we get a diagnosis and have medical people involved. 

My kids were older when this happened, and they didn’t want to leave .... they wanted their family to stay together, and he had control over almost everything in our lives, so it would have torn everything apart and wr caked the kids schooling, and they knew that .... and I couldn’t leave by myself knowing that they weren’t safe to be left behind.

You have to work out how to keep your kids safe.  They are the highest priority when they are little .... they have to come first.

[Twinklelight]

I know they come first. I have started a plan in place where people are organizing a house and furniture for me. Hopefully the kids can go to the same school. @Faith-and-Hope

[Faith-and-Hope]

I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can @Twinklelight.  We will be here to walk along with you as you go - you are not alone.

It will be good if the kids can stay at the same school, and  I expect you will be working with the school to help the kids transition to the changes, and so the staff are aware of how to keep the kids safe too.

Keep strong Hon.  And remember that you matter too .... make sure you are looking after you too (sleep, eating, drinking esp. water, taking deep breaths and practicing mindfulness, keeping in close touch with nurturing people)

💜💐💕

[Zoe7]

@Twinklelight You have a very difficult decision to make - it is never easy - I know this myself. I did not however have kids involved and that makes it even more difficult. Sitting with you and listening... 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Twinklelight,

You have mentioned the safety of yourself and your kids may be problematic at the moment which is concerning. I am hoping the plan you discussed is helping to keep you safe. I have just sent an email to check in. 

[Twinklelight]

I hope it does to @Faith-and-Hope
I just worry about he and my mum will do. Because they will use my mental illness against me. All the times I have been in hospital..... all the times I have taken to much ......... and in a coma because of it.
All the times iv been in bed because I couldn't deal with anything. All the times I couldn't clean the house because I'm to mentally unwell.
They will try to take the kids away from me. I know they will.

But when I put the AVO on him , i was able to do everything with the kids, him not being around.
So I know I can do it by myself but just that 5% where I doubt myself. Or it's what my husband and my mum had drummed into my head that I'm not capable of looking after the kids with my husband not being around.
And that hurts so much. I know I'm a good mum. Yeah I use to fk up all the time but I'm a different person now. I have a much more clearer head by coming off some meds.
I just want my kids to be happy and not listen to the abuse. It's not fair to them. It hurts me to see them hurting. I need to take them away from that until he learns how deal with his anger with the kids.
Fk , it feels like I'm letting all my insides out on here, which is good in one way because it gets it off my chest and it's nice to have people to talk about it to. And having the help and support is nice to.
I just need to move out , let my husband sort out his issues. We need to counseling before we get back together. Don't get me wrong I still love him and I still want to be with him but I think we just need a break and he need to realise that what he is doing is wrong. And he needs to cut back on his drinking to. He drinks a lot when he get home from work. Which makes things worse.
Thanks for everyone help and support @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @outlander @Shaz51 @Former-Member @BlueBay@Daughterdid

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart 💖🧡💖💙💛💚

[Zoe7]

Your safety and that of your kids is the most important thing @Twinklelight - maybe contacting 1800RESPECT would be a good way forward for you to get some additional advice - and we are here for you listening and sitting with you along the way. 

[Twinklelight]

Thankyou @Zoe7
I really appreciate it 💚💛💖💙

[Zoe7]

You are going through a lot Hon and happy to walk along this journey with you. I know how hard it is to break free from that kind of abusive relationship but was lucky enough not to have kids in the mix - that makes it sooo much harder - you know what is best for you all but it is near impossible to follow that path when the odds seem to be against you - there is support out there for you though @Twinklelight - and it is possible to find a better life for you all