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[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs and hugs @utopia ..... I will be thinking of you 

Just take it hour by hour.  Funerals can be a lovely time of bonding and reminiscing amidst the pain of loss ..... just being their with your friend is special and comforting.  Are you going back to the house for a cup of tea together afterwards ?  It's better to be all together for a while in support of each other after the funeral is over, if you can.

[Zoe7]

Will be thinking of you tomorrow @utopia - never easy to go through but even harder when the person has had such a great infuence on you and your life. Hugs to you and your bf 

[utopia]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7

I'll be staying the night with bf at her brothers house.

First thing Thursday Psych appointment followed in the afternoon by psychologist appointment. 

That's called good timing

[Faith-and-Hope]

..... @utopia

[Zoe7]

@utopia Wishing you goodluck in getting through tomorrow and with your appointments on Thursday. They are good timing and will be a good support for you after the funeral.

Hugs and love my beautiful cocky friend 

[Zoe7]

Thinking of you today my beautiful cocky friend - I hope you and your bf get through the service okay and can celebrate the life of your bf's mum with only love in your heart. I am sure you will be a great comfort for your bf today but also take the time to acknowledge your loss and grieve yourself. Many, many hugs for your journey through today @utopia 

[utopia]

Feeling strange this morning.   Really just want to crawl back into bed, put the doona over my head & ignore the day by sleeping (old habits).

Think it's because I've been feeling so happy and high about not beind depressed & now I'm off to a funeral where I will cry and hurt. Worried that my brain won't acknowledge today as a grief day - but assume it is a depression day & I'll fall right back into that depression again. 

[Zoe7]

Grief is such a hard thing to deal with @utopia - there are no rules here so just go with the feelings and acknowledge that it is okay to feel as you do. This is a tough day for you - these days are going to happen along the way regardless of depression or not - so try not to let your previous experiences with depression take over your thinking. You need to be sllowed to grieve - it is important to do so to deal with the loss - so just let it happen.

You have been doing so well since hospital and although this is not a nice thing to deal with it is unfortunately part of life - losing someone so close to you is super hard but it is not the depression taking over it is grief and that is natural after a loss.

Just go with the flow today as much as you can and remember it is healthy to grieve although it doesn't feel so at the time. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I agree @utopia @Zoe7   

Having lost my mother who was so special to me, I can tell you that it is important to acknowledge and sit with your feelings, and it doesn't have to be comfortable, in fact it's not comfortable, but it is necessary ..... without this process you will be carrying emotional confusion and unresolved pain forward with you.  Being together with others who you love, and who love you, is the best way to sit with it, and you can essentially assign that to today.  That doesn't mean the pain and heartache magically leave ..... it does mean it's dealt with like pulling a tooth, and the rest becomes healing and recovery, at a different pace for us all.

Hugs and hugs .....

[utopia]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7

Got to Melbourne suburbs hours early (I hate being late). Just got changed in my car at my local football ground.

Am in the suburb I grew up in. So many old houses pulled down and new ones built. Drove past my old house, best friends house  - that was a sad one, first loves house, old long forgotten friends houses, houses we partied at when 16 & 17 years old. Then the not so nice memories, the pedophiles house, house where viginity was thrown away, broken 16 year old heart, dads traumas. So much to take in and remember. 

I hour til the funeral. Just want ut over and done with.