This is almost exactly how I have felt for the past 15 years. I am exhausted. We did not know it was BPD. I thought it was just major anger issues or maybe even bipolar, but he never sought help, wouldn't even see a GP up until now.
He has recently been diagnosed at a mental health facility. He is now seeing a GP regularity, but is so far refusing any sort of therapy.
If I mention anything he gets angry and says things like "Ihave spoken with the professionals and they have said I don't need any of that and I am doing everything that I can already"
I am doing as much reading and research as I can. I read a lot about putting boundaries in place. But like you, I have the fear of even mentioning the idea to him. He always knows better or just gets angry. If I do manage to get him at the right time (those times are very rare these days) that we can talk about it calmly, I know he will somewhat agree. However when he is heightened or triggered I fear that the boundaries will not stand, for one of two reasons. Either I will give in and follow his commands or console/calm/support him and just take whatever he is throwing at me. Or he will not respect the boundary. Eg. will not let me walk away. I guess we wont know until we try. So the first step is being strong enough to bring up the boundary discussion and hope it goes well.
